This is the sound of settling

I'm getting on better terms with my friends- SWEET - but at the same time it really sucks because we're all going off to college in a few months. 

So yesterday we had this incredible end of crap party, which was so much fun, but like always I get the feeling that I'm just not wanted. & I don't know. I guess its more than just a feeling, its something I just can't explain. & this leads to awkward moments of quiet me because it should not just be up to me to try and feel included, but thats what its like, I have to be the one to make all the effort.

&&& after reading Alyssa's blog today, I realized how little I'm considered as a part of Anthony's life by his family.

I mean we're best friends & he and Alyssa have only been real friends since like October, and yet she gets cards and money from his family for graduating, & it's not that I expect that stuff from them, but it just makes me feel weird because it's the thought and the gesture that counts. Now I know that they didn't always like me & I sometimes wonder if they even do now, but I mean... I thought we had all moved past it. & I think it makes Anton feel weird because he has made it perfectly clear that Nikki & I are at the "best friends" level & Alyssa is just a really close friend. So it's a weird situation....

 

&&&  back to the loving place. 

So today it was confirmed that I'm going to be an uncle again!!!! & it's Hopies!!! (She's my favorite sister & my best friend). And I found out at my nephews 5th birthday party. All of this stuff is just happening so quickly in my family. 

First Hilary has baby Ziva

Then Hayley graduates from Law School

Then She gets married

Then I am the most recognized person at senior awards night, which was awesome by the way

Then my nephew turns 5

Then my sister is prego

Then I graduate from High School

Then my sister & brother-in-law graduate from college

Then I turn 18

...it's just such an eventful year..& slightly ridiculous. 

I think that my mind is too cluttered at the moment to make anything really cognizant or fully comprehensible to be written so I'll come back when I can fully put everything down without my mind going 12374891247891724927893401 miles per minute.

So until next I'll keep living my life between thoughts.